


WAP (Wet Ass Penguin)

by whosthatpokaimon



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Chief of Staff Edward Nygma, Coming In Pants, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Inspired by Music, M/M, Mayor Oswald Cobblepot, Multiple Orgasms, Oral Sex, Pole Dancing, Premature Ejaculation, Shameless Smut, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:47:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26975371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whosthatpokaimon/pseuds/whosthatpokaimon
Summary: Ed needs a way to relieve stress for Oswald. He finds a strange solution, but hell if it didn't work.Bet you can guess what inspired this fic.
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Comments: 6
Kudos: 44





	WAP (Wet Ass Penguin)

**Author's Note:**

> this is just shameless season 3 smut that has ed being a HOE
> 
> oh! also wanted to mention that i;m sure you've noticed my profile has gone through some changes, used to be Space_Cadet_Jean; now whosthatpokaimon, a pun on my new preferred name, kai!

Ed was acting kind of strange today. There wasn’t much on the agenda other than a meeting with the Press, but Ed refused to go with him, insisting that as the Mayor, he’d need to be alone for stuff like this. Ed was fidgeting when he brought it up, more often than usual, fingers tapping at his sides while he spoke.

_ “You have a Press conference at 3 PM today that will last at least a couple of hours, but I think you should go alone on this one. As Mayor, you need to set a good example, and it should _ **_not_ ** _ be that your Chief of Staff whispers in your ear to tell you what to say every ten seconds.” _

It was  _ definitely  _ longer than two hours and Oswald wished he hadn’t agreed to it in the first place. Too many people, too many reporters,  _ too many questions.  _ There was one question in particular that set Oswald off.

_ “Are you and Mr. Nygma a thing? If not, do you plan on being a thing?” _

Oswald left without answering the question, only giving the nosy reporter a deadly glare. He  _ wanted  _ to be with Ed, oh how he wanted to, but he was certain that Ed didn’t feel the same way about him.

As Oswald entered the manor where he had left the man in question alone for the afternoon and most of the evening, he immediately bumped into an all-too eager string bean, face knocking into his chest.

“Oswald! Welcome back!” Ed said excitedly and hearing the man’s voice melted away all of the built-up stress from the day. Well, most of it, but he didn’t want Ed to know just how much he calmed Oswald without even trying. If Ed did find out, Oswald may never forgive himself when Ed would reject him. He suppressed a smile as he looked up at him.

“Hey, Ed. I’m really stressed from today and my leg might give out if I have to stand for any longer, so, if you please-” Oswald side-stepped to move past Ed, but there was… quite the decor placed in the middle of the living room. The couch was turned away from the fireplace in order to face what Oswald could only assume was a  _ fucking stripper pole. _

“Well, tonight will certainly relieve a lot of stress…” Ed spoke with a smirk Oswald could hear in his tone as he walked to the living room. Oswald had to do a double take as Ed swung a leg around the pole and spun expertly, holding an arm out with a smile in Oswald’s direction.

“Are- are you _ drunk?” _ Oswald gaped as he considered that Ed couldn’t  _ possibly  _ be doing something like this sober. Ed only chuckled as he stepped away from the pole to walk in a straight line, a smug smirk pulling at his lip.

“The square root of four thousand and ninety-six is sixty-four, a one-hundred and fifty-five-year-old mouse trap finally caught a rat in a museum in 2016, bananas will glow bright blue under blacklight depending on the ripeness, and you look dashing today.”

Of course Ed would use useless information to prove his sobriety, but the part that threw Oswald off was the compliment to his image. Compliments were common, but this felt different, especially now that Ed was standing in front of a stripper pole in their goddamn living room. Ed started fidgeting again, gesturing towards the couch, “Please, take a seat and relax.”

Oswald found it hard to speak a deliberate yes or no, but with hesitance, he walked towards the couch and sat with a relieved sigh. Finally, the weight was taken off of his bad leg. A whole day of dealing with Gotham City’s bullshit really did a toll on him and he really wasn’t looking forward to having to do more of this every day. It was always hard to say no to Ed, anyway. When words finally found him again, he asked the obvious, “So, what’s with the pole, anyways?”

“I was offered to go undercover at a strip club to spy on your underworld rivals and thought I could use some practice,” Ed rubbed his hand up and down the metal, watching himself make the movement as he seemed unable to make eye contact with Oswald.

Oswald laughed at his excuse, “We could always have someone else fill the position.”

“But… I want to.”

“Oh…”

An awkward silence strung through the room between them, but only for a few seconds.

“You know about Cardi B, right? You have to know about Cardi B,” Ed piped as he moved between Oswald and the pole. Oswald groaned.

“You mean the ‘rapper’ that makes garbage for music?”

“Well, yes, but she has  _ one  _ good song,” Ed’s smile was too wide and Oswald didn’t even bother responding, only raising an eyebrow. Ed sauntered over and pressed the play button on a boombox Oswald didn’t even notice was sitting on the table, smirking widely to flash his teeth as he backed up against the pole and a beat started playing.

“I just need you to watch me and tell me if I’m doing okay.”

_ Certified freak, seven days a week. _

Oswald didn’t even see anything different in this song, but the turn didn’t take long to show itself as Ed started swinging around the pole like he was a natural.

_ Wet ass pussy, make that pullout game weak! _

Oswald’s throat tightened as he felt a blush sprint to his cheeks.

_ Yeah, you fucking with some wet ass pussy. _

_ Bring a bucket and a mop for this wet ass pussy. _

_ Give me everything you’ve got for this wet ass pussy. _

He couldn’t take his eyes off of the man in front of him, raking his eyes over his form and transfixing on every movement.

_ Beat it up, bitch, catch a charge. _

_ Extra large and extra hard. _

_ Put this pussy right in your face, _

_ Swipe your nose like a credit card. _

Ed stopped for a moment to run his pointer and middle fingers down his face, first over his nose before his tongue slid out of his mouth to lick between them. He winked and Oswald short-circuited. If he wasn’t aroused before, he certainly was now.

_ Hop on top, I wanna ride. _

_ I do a kegel while it’s inside. _

_ Spit in my mouth, look in my eyes, _

_ This pussy is wet, come take a dive. _

Ed gently pushed his hips into the pole as he spun and with how concentrated Oswald was on him, he definitely didn’t miss the movement.

_ Tie me up like I’m surprised. _

_ Let’s role play, I wear a disguise. _

_ I want you to park that big Mack truck _

_ Right in this little garage! _

This time, Ed thrust his hips outwards. Oswald could see the faint outline of his cock through his pants.

_ Make it cream, make me scream. _

_ Out in public, make a scene. _

_ I don’t cook, I don’t clean, _

_ But let me tell you how I got this ring. _

Ed started rapping along to the lyrics and Oswald found it crazy how Ed could even talk that fast. He slowly peeled off his green suit jacket and threw it over the couch, lost to the unseen void somewhere Oswald doesn’t bother caring about right now.

_ Gobble me, swallow me, drip down inside of me. _

_ Quick jump out 'fore you let it get inside of me. _

_ I tell him where to put it, never tell him where I'm 'bout to be. _

_ I run down on him 'fore I have a bitch running me. _

_ Talk your shit, bite your lip, _

_ Ask for a car while you ride that dick. _

_ You really ain't never gotta fuck him for a thing. _

_ He already made his mind up 'fore he came. _

Oswald’s mind lost all thoughts when Ed turned to run his backside up and down the pole, nibbling on his lower lip and staring directly into Oswald’s eyes.

_ Now get your boots and your coat for this wet ass pussy. _

_ He bought a phone just for pictures of this wet ass pussy. _

_ Pay my tuition just to kiss me on this wet ass pussy. _

_ Now, make it rain if you wanna see some wet ass pussy. _

He unbuttoned his dress shirt, but left his tie on and intact. Oswald couldn’t keep himself from staring at every toned muscle on the thin bit of skin revealed by Ed’s open dress shirt.

_ Look, I need a hard hitter, I need a deep stroker, _

_ I need a Henny drinker, I need a weed smoker. _

_ Not a garden snake, I need a king cobra _

_ With a hook in it, hope it lean over. _

It was hard to keep his focus on just one point with how Ed was maneuvering around the pole. Ed stopped for just long enough for Oswald to notice the tent in his trousers.

_ He got some money, then that's where I'm headed. _

_ Pussy A1, just like his credit. _

_ He got a beard, well, I'm tryna wet it. _

_ I let him taste it, now he diabetic. _

_ I don't wanna spit, I wanna gulp, _

_ I wanna gag, I wanna choke, _

_ I want you to touch that little dangly dang _

_ That swing in the back of my throat. _

Ed thought it was a good idea to tug on his tie and make quite possibly the most  _ obscenely erotic  _ facial expression, eyes hooded and brows knitted with his tongue hanging out of his slack jaw. Oswald knew he was pitching his own tent now.

_ My head game is fire, punani Dasani. _

_ It's going in dry and it's coming out soggy. _

_ I ride on that thang like the cops is behind me. _

_ I spit on his mic and now he tryna sign me! _

Ed fully threw off his dress shirt, joining the suit jacket somewhere behind Oswald.

_ Your honor, I'm a freak bitch, handcuffs, leashes. _

_ Switch my wig, make him feel like he cheating. _

_ Put him on his knees, give him something to believe in! _

_ Never lost a fight, but I'm looking for a beating. _

The longer the song drawled on, the more seductive and “into it” Ed became. Oswald didn’t mind. He didn’t mind at all. He was already lost in fantasy at this point, half-convinced he had fallen asleep on the couch and he was dreaming.

_ In the food chain, I'm the one that eat ya. _

_ If he ate my ass, he's a bottom feeder. _

_ Big D stand for big demeanor, _

_ I could make you bust before I ever meet ya. _

Oswald didn’t bother checking if he was dreaming. With Ed looking at him like  _ that  _ while reciting the lines to the song perfectly and hanging from the pole like a Christmas tree ornament, he didn’t want to wake up.

_ If it don't hang, then he can't bang. _

_ You can't hurt my feelings, but I like pain. _

_ If he fuck me and ask, "Whose is it?" _

_ When I ride the dick, I'ma spell my name. _

Now distracted by the fact that all Ed was wearing was a tie and form-fitting trousers, Oswald didn’t even notice Ed had slowed down.

_ Yeah, you fucking with some wet ass pussy. _

_ Bring a bucket and a mop for this wet ass pussy. _

_ Give me everything you’ve got for this wet ass pussy. _

Before Oswald knew it, Ed was now directly in front of him, giving him a lap dance. Oswald’s eyes were wide as they watched those hips move expertly  _ just  _ over his own. Oswald kept himself from bucking his hips and reaching out for Ed.

_ Now from the top, make it drop, that's some wet ass pussy! _

_ Now get a bucket and a mop, that's some wet ass pussy! _

_ I'm talking WAP, WAP, WAP, that's some wet ass pussy! _

_ Macaroni in a pot, that's some wet ass pussy! _

Ed moved to straddle Oswald’s lap, tongue hanging out from between his teeth as he gazed down through half-lidded eyes. The music faded and the boombox clicked to signal the track’s end. His hands rested on Oswald’s shoulders and, by this point, Oswald was frozen in shock and gay panic. Ed broke the silence.

“So? How’d I do?” His voice was an octave lower than it usually is and it made Oswald’s gut flip, erection now straining against his pants from the show. Oswald gulped down air, sweat beading at his brow.

“Y-Y-You did g-great, Eddie…”

Ed looked down between them for a moment before he looked back up with a mischievous grin, “I can tell you enjoyed it.”

Oswald rolled his eyes, trying to repress his blush, “Well, so did you.”

“Guess we’ll just have to fix that, won’t we?” Ed leaned in close,  _ too close,  _ as he whispered into Oswald’s ear. Now he was sure that he was dreaming. Oswald brought his hands up to clutch at Ed’s back gently as his lips ghosted over his jaw and trailed down his neck. Well, down as far as he could go before Oswald’s dress shirt got in the way.

Ed rested his weight in Oswald’s lap and they both shuddered as their erections made contact, Ed moaning out softly. It was the most beautiful sound that had ever graced Oswald’s ears. Oswald’s hands moved to Ed’s hips to push him down and create a semblance of friction as he rocked his hips to start a rhythm.

Ed’s face contorted in pleasure and Oswald couldn’t take his eyes off of him, resisting the urge to throw his head back from his own pleasure. Ed tried to keep eye contact, but failed as he bucked his hips forward to increase the pace and his eyes slotted shut. Ed leaned forward again to bury his face into Oswald’s shoulder.

“Oh, Oswald,  _ ah-!” _ Ed moaned into Oswald’s neck as his rutting started to become more wild. It wasn’t long before Ed was shaking, a drawn-out moan signaling his release.

“Wow,  _ that _ was quick…” Oswald muttered. He himself didn’t feel anywhere near his own orgasm and the fact that Ed came so quickly surprised him.

“S-Sorry…” Ed whispered, “It’s… it’s been a while…”

“It’s alright, Ed,” Oswald tried not to sound upset, but he was hoping to have enough time with Ed so  _ he  _ could finish as well. Ed stood up and, to confirm Ed really did finish that quickly, Oswald flitted his eyes down to see the blotch on the front of Ed’s pants. He sighed, expecting Ed to leave, but he instead got on his knees in front of him.

“Here, let me help you come, too,” Ed gazed up at him with flushed cheeks and a disheveled yet boyish look. Oswald didn’t protest when he popped open and unzipped his slacks with shaking fingers. Oswald assisted Ed in the removal of his pants and underwear, lifting his hips as his erection sprung free.

Oswald inhaled sharply when he felt the flat of Ed’s tongue make contact with the underside of his shaft, dragging upwards slowly. Ed brought half of the shaft in on his first take with fingers wrapping around the rest, brows knitting together. Oswald kept his eyes on him. He still couldn’t believe that this was happening, even with Ed bobbing his head up and down.

As Ed brought more of him in, Oswald noticed his free hand skirt down between his legs. He smirked and absentmindedly brought a foot to press it against Ed’s crotch. He was hard again  _ already.  _ Ed moaned, sending a vibration through Oswald’s cock that shook him to his core. Oswald continued to rub the tip of his shoe against Ed’s bulge to work more moans out of him. Oswald not only loved the sounds Ed made, but the way they felt on his cock were unlike anything he’s felt in his life.

And that feeling pushed Oswald to place more pressure, making Ed shudder as he worked Oswald all the way in. Oswald gaped when Ed didn’t gag, or even flinch. Drool dripped obscenely from his mouth and down his chin.

“Do you… do you have a gag reflex, Ed?” Oswald questioned breathlessly and Ed brought himself just high enough to speak, the head of his cock still resting on his bottom lip.

“N-No,  _ ahh…” _ Ed’s breath, though hot, sent shivers up Oswald’s spine once it made contact with his erection, “but don’t stop, I’m gonna come again-!”

Oswald grabbed onto the back of Ed’s head and he was helpless to comply as Oswald thrust up into Ed’s mouth, rubbing Ed to the best of his ability with his shoe. Ed flinched with a moan held back in his throat by Oswald’s cock buried deep down it. Oswald felt Ed pulse beneath the tip of his shoe as more of Ed’s release was soaked up by his pants. That’s gotta be uncomfortable. Ed didn’t seem to care, though, eagerly returning to his mission. He took Oswald even deeper than he did before, but Oswald needed more from Ed. Or, rather, more  _ of  _ Ed.

He pushed Ed off of his member (not without a whine from the man) and pulled him off the floor. Ed was  _ still erect, _ his cock only emphasizing the size of the stain on his pants. He was quick to shove Ed’s face into the couch, pulling his ass to the air and tugging his pants down. Needless to say, he was surprised to see a plug nestled nicely inside Ed’s hole, but he didn’t question it. That’s probably why he came so fast. Not only was his cock getting all the attention it could ask for, but the plug would have shifted with every movement.

Ed wiggled his hips, finally free from his soaked slacks and undergarments. Oswald gently pulled on the base of the plug and it made Ed whine.

“Oswald,  _ please…” _

“Ed, you already came _ twice _ , you still have enough energy in you?”

“I could go for a third orgasm… Plus, this was for you, not me. I want you to come, too,” Ed was breathless, moving his hips to try and get Oswald to pull the buttplug free from his ass. The plug was impressive in size, observing the way Ed squirmed when Oswald pulled it out completely.

“Already prepped for me, huh?” Oswald purred, running his finger along Ed’s stretched entrance, which seemed to be packed with lube as well. He watched it coat his finger as it dribbled out.

“I knew both of us would have been too impatient to want to deal with prep, so I did it _ for  _ us,” Ed’s voice continued to strain and started to lose any semblance of being altogether. Oswald raised a brow.

“Are you  _ sure _ you’re okay?”

“Well, I’m not going to be if you keep your cock out of my ass any longer.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice…”

Oswald rubbed his tip along Ed’s entrance to spread around some of the lube before slowly pushing his way in. Ed gripped the couch cushions and threw his head back with a small moan, back arching into the pleasure. Oswald was mesmerized by every little detail in Ed’s movements as he thrust in and out at a steady pace.

“Oswald, I need more,  _ please…” _ Ed whimpered, pushing his hips back to try and increase the pace.

“Christ, you’re insatiable,” Oswald mumbled more out of annoyance than disbelief, but didn’t deny the man his request. He started to thrust faster, keeping a close eye on how Ed reacted. He seemed to enjoy it and Oswald let his desire take him, gripping onto the hair on the back /of Ed’s head and tugging his head back. The extra angling provided Oswald with the opportunity to go deeper, brushing against Ed’s prostate and feeling a spark in his core at the sound Ed made.

They were both moaning out freely now, the only other sound in the room being the slap of skin against skin. Oswald’s free hand held Ed’s hip in a vice grip as he pounded into Ed with enough force to push him farther up the couch. Ed’s moans grew higher pitched with each thrust, eventually coming to a stop to make way for an almost window-shattering scream as his third orgasm of that night rocked through him. The clenching of Ed’s entrance unexpectedly sent Oswald over the edge as well, burying his face into Ed’s back as his release filled Ed.

They both stayed in that position for a few moments, panting heavily with the occasional curse under their breaths. Oswald slowly pulled out of Ed and pulled his pants back up. Ed went to do the same, but Oswald stopped him, “No no no, you are  _ not _ putting those pants back on.”

“What…?” Ed seemed confused at first, turning to Oswald and cocking his head before remembering that they were still stained with not one, but two of his own loads, “... Oh, r-right…”

Ed went to stand and grab a different air of pants, but Oswald grabbed his wrist, “... No, don’t leave yet. You can fix it later. For now, just… stay with me for a little while longer. Please?” he muttered as he sat up, unable to make eye contact with Ed at that moment as his eyes remained downcast.

Ed smiled and sat back down onto the couch. Fidgeting with his fingers, Ed was the first to speak up, “So… what next?”

“Hmm?” Oswald hummed in confusion.

“Where do we go from here?” Ed turned to meet Oswald’s gaze, an almost worried look on his face.

“We can go wherever you want to go from here. We can act like it never happened and move on, we can make this a regular thing and become friends with benefits, or we can… take it further than that...” Oswald’s eyes darted away to look at the floor in front of them, cheeks becoming a bright red as he was reminded of the reporters nagging on him that morning, “Become a thing, you know…? I don’t mind where we go, as long as you’re still here with me. It’s all up to you.”

“I…” Ed took a moment, but those few seconds felt like a thousand years, “I wouldn’t mind being your… boyfriend. To tell you the truth, I… I’ve had these feelings I couldn’t explain since I nursed you back to health in my apartment. I now realize that this feeling is love… I’m in love with you.”

Oswald looked back at him, trying to hold back a smile, “You are?”

“Yes. And I’m confident that you feel the same about me. That’s why I did this tonight.”

Oswald pursed his lips with a sigh, turning back to the pole in front of them with a laugh, “Really? This was how you wanted to tell me?”

“W-Well- I-” Ed stammered, trying to find a response, “I j-just needed to be sure that I was correct, s-s-so I made up an excuse to get you to watch me d-dance in the hopes that it would reveal your desires for me, make you easier to read.”

Easier to read? Oswald was surprised that a man as smart as Ed couldn’t read him sooner. It was sweet, but it still confused the hell out of Oswald, “Or you could have just told me like a normal fucking- wait, the undercover stripper thing wasn’t true?!”

Ed laughed at Oswald’s sudden change of topic, “Yeah, sorry. I needed more confidence in the fact that I was correct about your feelings towards me, but I didn’t want to just go out and say  _ ‘hey, I want to pole dance for you’ _ , so I made up the undercover thing.”

“I was skeptical about that from the start, anyways. If you were to go out and become a stripper, everyone would have recognized you as my Chief of Staff,” Oswald brought up as he placed a hand on Ed’s still bare lap, “Plus, I need to make sure that only  _ I _ get to see you like this.”

Ed shivered, leaning down to claim Oswald’s lips in his own. Oswald didn’t hesitate to kiss back, chest fluttering. This was an interesting way to share a first kiss, but Oswald wouldn’t have it any other way. Ed pulled away too soon for Oswald’s liking, chasing after him for a moment. Ed chuckled at the action.

“I promise, only you. You’re the only one for me,” Ed caressed his cheek and Oswald smiled, tearing up.

“I love you, Ed. I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Ed smiled back, rubbing at Oswald’s knuckles with the hand that wasn’t currently on his face.

A few moments passed before Oswald playfully pushed at his chest, “This has been great and all, but go put some pants on!”

They both laughed and Ed stood, long legs wobbling, most likely affected by the three orgasms he had that night.

“You gonna be okay, Ed?” Oswald looked at him with concern, trying to stifle his laughter as Ed tried to walk towards the stairs like a baby deer.

“I’ll be fine!” Ed responded, waving his hand in a dismissive manner.

“If you say so. Let me know when you’re done changing and I’ll meet you upstairs, okay?”

“No problem, darling! Love you!” Ed called back from the other room, leaning his head back into the living room to blow a kiss in Oswald’s direction. It was a cheesy gesture, but it made Oswald giggle, blushing and blowing a kiss back.

“Love you too, dear!”

As Oswald waited, he considered himself lucky that not a single riddle was spoken that entire spiel. However, Edward must have read his mind, because he called down from upstairs.

“Done! Hey, Oswald, what three words are spoken too often, yet not enough?”

Oswald groaned. He spoke too soon and jinxed himself. The riddles that were once a nuisance are, well, still a nuisance, but much more bearable now. They made Ed  _ Ed  _ and he grew to love everything about Ed. He soon joined the other male in what was now  _ their _ bedroom and gave him a small peck on the lips.

“The answer is ‘I love you’.”


End file.
